Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
My feet surprised me
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Randomize
