he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
