Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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