My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
All the doctor said was why
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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