I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
