why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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