I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
