he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
