i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Randomize
