i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Who died my cat blue again?
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
