So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
