I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Randomize
