sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
