We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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