Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
