so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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