No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
