There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
