watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
