you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
