She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
They have beer where we have blood.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
