Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
