remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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