Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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