shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
