How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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