I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
