Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
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