if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Randomize
