Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
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