we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
