Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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