Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
