I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
