New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
