Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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