MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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