possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
