OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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