No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
