I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
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