she was so not down for the gang bang
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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