its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
