Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
it's like iHOP with fire
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Damn victory sex feels great
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
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