he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
