It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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