ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
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