you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
