I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
