Where did you get a picture of my penis
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
