Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I would ride that face into the sunset
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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