Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
