this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
