I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
