Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
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