Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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